Updated: Sep 19, 2022
In 2016 Will Smith stared in a movie entitled Collateral Beauty as a successful New York advertising executive who suffers a great tragedy, retreats from life where he seeks answers from the universe by writing letters to Love, Time, and Death. Receiving unexpected personal responses, he begins to see how these things interlock and how even loss can reveal moments of meaning and beauty.
Because of my recent tragedy, I really identified with Will Smith’s character in this movie. I could feel his pain. confusion and desire to not go on.
But I also loved the message of the movie, Collateral Beauty. Something beautiful developed out of a hard place or difficult place.
I wasn’t initially looking for any beauty in my situation. As far as I was concerned,
it was a mistake, it didn’t need to happen. I wanted to die. I was tired of this life. I was so wrapped up in pain, disbelief and confusion that I couldn’t think straight. I walked around in a fog for months. Sure I smiled as best I could. I replied fine to every question regarding how I was doing. I muscled through my days barely making it to my car or a safe room so that I could take off the mask and let out all the emotions that I had been saving up all day. There was nothing to be gain by showing everyone what a mess I was. I didnt want to hear anymore religious platitudes, advice or well wishes. I held it together so that I didn’t have the public display of what I’ve come to know as grief (my current friend and companion) which would welcome the unwanted attention.
I have to admit that time does ease the pain. It’s been almost 10 months and I haven’t found much collateral beauty. I‘m hopeful and I continue to look for it every day.
I will say one of the most beautiful things that has emerged is “ME”. I have this inn strength. This joy. This excitement (I think I was sleep walking and allowing life to happen before now). This boldness and no nonsense demeanor. I’ve been no nonsense my entire life but it’s on a whole new level. I’m more focused. I’m trying to squeeze every ounce of life out of every day. I’m living on purpose. I’m doing what I want to do and doing things my way and on my terms. I’m enjoying my single life with no plans on getting boo‘ed up no time soon. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to be nobody’s nothing. My life is about me.
Stay tune. There‘s more collateral beauty to be discovered …….