Happy Hurting & Healing

What an interesting phenomenon. It seems like the 3, Happy, Hurting & Healing couldn‘t or shouldn’t coexist. I recently saw a Facebook post that said, “ I am Happy, Hurting and Healing.” That was so thought provoking for me. I thought to my self, is that me? Does that describe my current situation?

I am often asked, How are you? Then they would ask it again. I mean really, how are you? I‘m usually a little confused because depending on the day, they would get a response that would scare them and leave them wondering if I should check my self in some where or perhaps go back to counseling and other days they’d get the chipper cheeky smile that I flaunt so well. I‘m fine, I’d reply. That’s my standard response. I wonder should I tell them how I feel in this moment or how I felt a few moments before that. Both responses would be true but yet very different and sometimes alarming.

Every day I’m happy. I’m just built like that. I am prone to smile and make the best out of any situation. Happiness just bubbles up from the inside. I normally wake up with a song or music in my head (when I’m in a healthy state). The music would often be a fragment of a song that gets stuck in my head that my spirit keeps rehearsing. To be mad or angry or sad is not a comfortable feeling for me. Don‘t get it twisted, I can get down with the best of them and get almost anyone together, but it’s not my first reaction to any problem or solution for any situation. Anyone that has known me from years ago could testify to the fact that I always spoke first and thought second and it was usually something harsh and sharp that would resemble fighting words. I took pride in how harsh I could be effortlessly. My attitude adjustment is my biggest flex when it comes to personal growth. I thank God every day for growth in that area. I’m not a pushover by any means but I’ve learned how to get the desired outcome without ruffling feathers.

Disappointments and hurt are a part of life. I’m still learning to navigate through them and keep the proper perspective. I could rattle off at least 10 things off the top of my head that were deeply troubling and very painful. I recall after each of those experiences, I told myself that I don’t see how I’m gonna make it through this. I‘d say, I don’t see how things could get any better. I can’t imagine a future after this. I have now lived enough life and I have experience the ups and downs, and the ebbs and flow of life that I‘m now starting to see a pattern. Good times don’t last nor does the bad times. Just keep living, keep laughing, keep learning and keep leaning(on God).

Good times don’t last nor do the bad times or the hard times.

Just as I was typing (good times don’t last) I felt a little sting because who wouldn’t want the good times to keep on rolling. It’s feeble to expect life to be perfect, To expect that you’ll get all the good breaks. To expect your dream guy to show up out of the clear blue sky and knock on your door. To expect the right house is gonna appear at the right time, at the right price and you’ll close on that home without a hitch. I wonder why we expect things to be perfect or things to go according to plan. Expecting perfection is a setup for disappointment. If we’ve learned anything the short time that we’ve spent on this planet, it’s that things rarely go according to plan. Things take longer than we anticipated and it often cost more than we want to pay. It’s like there’s this force that’s working against us. The moment we set our sights on a dream, a goal or direction there’s something that immediately springs into action that causing resistance or mayhem. It is up to us to continue to fight through the minutia, continue to push pass the uncertainty and road blocks. Maybe we should add a 4th law of motion.

The 4th Law of Motion, according to Trish. Whenever you set out to do anything, expect opposition, expect failure, expect delays and when things are great, expect the unexpected interruption.

Healing is a funny thing to me. Its not happening the way I anticipate or expect. I don’t know where I got my vision or philosophy on how healing should look or feel. Maybe it’s more of that “happy ever after syndrome” that I suffer from which is Everything in life is supposed to follow this straight line leading to the good life and the finale is everything is perfect and life is wrapped up in this nice big red beautiful bow. What I have learned is that healing is messy, chaotic and almost a schizophrenic process. It’s not always forward motion. There are pauses, progress, and relapses. Healing is ongoing. Another thing about healing is, just because you’re left with a scar( a painful memory or bruise), that does not mean that you aren’t healed. I’ve been told that scars are simply proof that you have gone through something and you survived it.

In short, my life is liken to the book, Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. It is the best of times and it is the worst of times all at the same time🤩

The Tale of Two Cities

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way…..