"Little Me"
Can you believe that we are well into the New Year, 2023? It feels like it was just December when I was heavily anticipating the new year and all the new things that I was going to get to do. Then it was January. Everyone knows January is the time to set the goals and plans for the entire year. Then February flew in. I was consumed with birthday celebrations. Then March flew by and now it's the end of April. We are now in Q2, one fourth of the year is gone. As I reflect on… where did the year go and what did I accomplish so far? I am happy to report that I have made a little progress. Last year I had a singular mission, FUN! I was Laser focused on healing and only doing the things that make me happy. I have to admit, I had fun, I was able to create some new memories and a new normal but "Little Me" often got in the way.
“Little Me” is my subconscious, it's my innermost being. You know, that voice in your head that's constantly talking to you, and reasoning, and considering, and debating. Sometimes Little Me wears my butt out before I even get started. Shakespeare once said, "to thine own self be true." I definitely don't have a problem being true to me. The thing about Little Me is there's no fooling her. We have been together our entire life. No matter what happens and no matter how old I get, Little Me has been along for the ride. She keeps it real. She knows all my secrets, all the ups and downs. She keeps the record of everything that has gone wrong and all the times when things went exactly as planned. She knows my goals, my hopes and dreams. She knows when I am veering off course and when I should be making better use of my time. She knows when I take less than I deserve or when I should be asking for more.
She knows when I'm being lied to and when something isn't right. I've come to trust her and her intuition because normally when she think something is not right, it's not right. In the past, I've overrode her because I felt like trusting someone else and their motives rather than Little Me. Little Me can be very negative and slows me down to consider all the alternatives, now who has time for that?
Despite Little Me, last year was one of the best years of my life. I traveled, I ate all my favorite foods ( I got the extra pounds to prove it), I went on many adventures. I had a ball. There were a few people looking at me crazy. Saying,” girl you don't let any grass grow under your feet”. Some were happy and said that I was living my best life and a few folks were a little sour and made little remarks like, I wondered where the money is coming from (which is none of their business) or does she work? One person had the audacity to ask my manager about all these trips that I take, is it work related and do I even work anymore? I had some rehearsed lines to tell her when I crossed paths with her again. As the devil would have it, I saw her twice the very next day at work. I didn't say a word ( this is growth for me). It was raining that morning, and I actually held the door open for her. There was a second opportunity that afternoon. We were on the elevator together and once again, all this puffed up steam I had for her dissipated. I smiled, I spoke and I walked away. She has to be a sad soul to spend her time worrying about another grown woman that she doesn't even like or support🤯 Little Me was ready for her but my better Angels prevail and I kept it moving.
I have discovered that if I'm going to win this year and reach my goals, I've got to rely on my faith, work hard, Little Me and I can't let anyone rain on my parade. Sometimes people don't understand what it takes to be You and what it takes for You to thrive and survive. I'm not sure they care. Everyone just wants to have a say on matters that they know so very little about and I'm convince that they really don't care. Trust and believe I'll be doing me and leaving them to their own devices.
Now the down side of Little Me is she is reluctant to trust again because of all the trauma, and drama of the past. Little Me makes me double check everything and almost make it impossible to move on to bigger and better things. There's always these nagging thoughts of what- ifs. What if it doesn't work out? What if this is a bad move? Little Me doesn't like changes. She doesn't like big swooping moves. Little Me likes comfort, assurances and normalcy. The best part about Little Me is we have real talk and sometimes I do need to slow down, strategize and consider the best way forward.
The Bible warns that faith without work is dead. In addition, to trusting God, there is work that has to be attached to it. I'm not always sure of the work that I want to do or the direction I want to go. So, for the first quarter of this year, I'm still pondering, "What".... I wish I was a little further along with discovering the what but I haven't given up. There are so many things that I'm good at, I just need to attach my passion to a stream of income.
I'm no stranger to hard work but if I was being truthful, all the travel that I've been doing is addictive and it's hard to recenter and focus on the things that I say that I want to accomplish. Not to mention traveling is expensive and I'm not saving money like I use to. I'm going to cut back on my drug of choice- travel. Well, I'm going to try to cut back. We will see how that goes. Stay Tune!
In less than 2 months, I'll be going to Sapele which is in Nigeria Delta State for a Medical Mission. Mission work is God's work. It is a part of my purpose, you know the reason I was created. I can't skimp on God.
To learn more about the Africa Mission and to donate, click below.
Tell me, How are your New Year plans and goals going?
Is your "Little Me" getting in your way?