Updated: Jan 7
Let's just say it! One time, out LOUD and altogether, "Sometimes the Truth Hurts". Now there. Didn't that feel good. For just a moment you got to be vulnerable and completely honest while no one was looking, no one could hear you and I'm sure no one cared, lol. That truth was for you and you alone.
Have you ever been face with telling a hard truth? Did you share your hard truth in love? How do you handle saying what you know the other person does not what to hear? Did you just blurt it out or just let it rip? Did you keep it to yourself and suffer in silence?
Suffering in silence is not my thing. I am not a martyr for any cause. My self-preservation kicks in real quick. I have this thing about being true to myself, standing up for myself and treating myself well. I have a reputation for being out spoken and telling it like it is but there is a caveat that doesn't fit the narrative that I just gave you. I have a problem telling a hard truth in love. I guess this stems from the times I use to speak without thinking and right after I said what I had to say, I then realized the damage that was done as a result of me speaking my mind or telling my truth. In an effort to be conscious of how I made people feel, I've lost the art of telling it like it is when I think I'm going to hurt someone's feelings, especially if it's a kind person that doesn't mean any harm. It's like I've over corrected somehow. Belief me, I don't have a problem hurting your feeling if you're coming for me.
I recently met a guy in his late late 60's. Let me go ahead and tell you that 66 plus is wayyyyy outside of the dating margin for me and my comfort zone. He was really nice. I found him very interesting because he had traveled extensively and a few of his destinations are on my bucket list. Before retirement, he was a professor at a well-known and prominent college. He is an artist who has panted some amazing pieces and he appears to be somewhat adventurous ( y'all know I love nothing better than an adventure). The age thing though (sigh) 😳The other thing that I couldn't shake was that he has the same name as my deceased dad. Despite my reservations I continued conversating with him (probably because I was bored, lonely or both) growing more and more certain that this ain't it. In other words, we won't be dating and this date that he wanted to take me out on wasn't going to happen either. Even thought I felt strongly about not going on a date or joining him on vacation, I couldn't hurt his feelings. Maybe because he was so nice and excited about getting to know me. I was honest with him that I didn't feel comfortable going on a date and I flat out refused the trip to Dubai (I've been called crazy for declining that trip) right way. He still kept trying to assure me that I was going to like him if given more time. I couldn't in good faith continue with these conversations that were on the way to nowhere so I decided to block him. Bad option, I already know. I was too chicken to have the hard conversation. It was easier for me to not hear from him again than to have that uncomfortable conversation. After about a week, I unblocked him and sent an apology text stating the obvious. He made one last attempt to assure me that meeting him would be a good thing and I just stop responding.
I have often chosen distance over disrespect. That's another one of my avoidance tactics. I'm not so sure of choosing distance instead of disrespect is a bad thing because once too much has been said, it's a hard road back. I also know if pushed, I can go nuclear🤯
I have finally cracked the code that makes that madness possible. You see, if someone is rude or unreasonable or combative, I don't mind stating my case or opinion and I don't care how the truth impacts them but when someone is being nice, accommodating or flattering. I find it hard to hurt their feelings so I either tell the comfortable lie, stop communicating or block the person to avoid the uncomfortable conversation.
What I've come to know about my self is I don't enjoy hurting people and before I engage in a huge blow up with you, I will disconnect. I will chose distance over disrespect every time. I love that about my self.
I do understand that there are times that an uncomfortable conversation need to be had to bring closure to a situation or perhaps a relationship can be salvaged if misunderstanding are cleared up.
Above: As much as I love a good stimulating conversation, I would find it very hard to reply to someone like this but at the same time, I want to be true to myself regarding the lackluster conversation. I would not have responded at all. So yes, I ghosted you boo.
What are some of the hard truths that you avoiding?
🌟You have a dope personality but you're too fat
🌟You're too short
🌟It's not your baby
🌟You're not my type
🌟The reason you got fired is because you're lazy
🌟You didn't get the job because there was a better candidate
🌟She didn't respond to your advances because she's not that into you
🌟You're too old, I'd rather date someone around my age
Regardless what the uncomfortable truth is, I believe telling someone the truth in love is the best option. I just need to practice doing so.
What are your thoughts? What advice could you give me to help me be fully honest and tactful?
Leave a comment with your thoughts.